Hullo, Hunters! Enjoying summer break so far? I hope so; I’m doing school all summer long. Consider yourself fortunate. 😉 (And if you’re doing school over the summer too, I respect that. And you’re not alone. XD )
So today’s post is going to be. . . quite different. Why? Because I’m going to do something courageous and possibly foolish that I might regret later. . . I’m going to be honest and transparent. There’s something going on with me that I feel compelled to share with you. . . not so people pity me or “pet” me, but because. . . I dunno. I like pouring out my heart. Sometimes I think I’m abnormally transparent.
So. . . sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to have a blog. I guess it’s a mix of discontent with what I write, insecurity about my small audience and comparing myself to other bloggers.
I have no objective or work-in-progress to write updates on, I have no advice to give that someone else hasn’t already given, and I feel like my thoughts and content are relatively pointless. I’m just a girl who likes talking about random things. . . which I suppose isn’t bad, but it isn’t productive. It isn’t impactful. I wish I was like those successful, popular bloggers who have great weekly advice to give on life and on their specialties. I want to do more than just bumble.
I’m an artist, but I’m nowhere near perfect. I don’t have any advice to share that a better artist couldn’t give. And I don’t even think I’m done developing my style. I can show my audience what I’ve done, but what good does that do other than just to show people? It’s not like anyone can learn from me.
I write, but why bother when I don’t even have a WIP? And when I can’t write anything except fanart and roleplay? Why can’t I just be a normal writer that can conjure up an original world with original characters on the fly? At least then I could relate to other writers properly.
I love things like YouTube, movies and other fandoms, but what good would it do to just rant about the latest episodes of TheOdd1sOut all the time? It’s not like my audience will understand anything I’m talking about anyway.
I wish I wasn’t a girl of many trades. I wish I was successful in at least one way. I guess I am, but I’m not writing books, I’m not making music, I’m not reading my eyes off, I’m not building anything worth mentioning, and my art is imperfect and unrefined. And yet, I love writing, I love music, I love reading, I love making things and I want to major in the arts in college. It’s impossible for me to have a blog centered on mastering any one thing, and I hate that.
What can I offer to the world that’s unique and actually helpful, and that isn’t just scatterbrained, shallow whateverness? People have told me that I have great potential, but what am I supposed to do with my multi-talented ways?
I want to make a difference. . . but I don’t know how.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*takes deep breath*
So. . . I know that was pretty hard-core. Sorry about that. . .
(Dad probably wants to punch me in the face. . . X’D He hates it when I talk like that.)
. . . I’m not even sure why I’m apologizing. Maybe because writing this made me feel too self-absorbed??
Anyway, that’s what Insecurity and Self-Doubt have been up to lately. Encouragement would be appreciated, I think. I don’t know how. . . just don’t take pity on me.
I’m glad I have a community of friends and fellow bloggers with whom I can share things like this. Hope this wasn’t too much for you! Again. . . I’m sorry.