~~Making a Difference~~ My Struggles as an Insecure Blogger

Hullo, Hunters! Enjoying summer break so far? I hope so; I’m doing school all summer long. Consider yourself fortunate. 😉 (And if you’re doing school over the summer too, I respect that. And you’re not alone. XD )

So today’s post is going to be. . . quite different. Why? Because I’m going to do something courageous and possibly foolish that I might regret later. . . I’m going to be honest and transparent. There’s something going on with me that I feel compelled to share with you. . . not so people pity me or “pet” me, but because. . . I dunno. I like pouring out my heart. Sometimes I think I’m abnormally transparent.

So. . . sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to have a blog. I guess it’s a mix of discontent with what I write, insecurity about my small audience and comparing myself to other bloggers.

I have no objective or work-in-progress to write updates on, I have no advice to give that someone else hasn’t already given, and I feel like my thoughts and content are relatively pointless. I’m just a girl who likes talking about random things. . . which I suppose isn’t bad, but it isn’t productive. It isn’t impactful. I wish I was like those successful, popular bloggers who have great weekly advice to give on life and on their specialties. I want to do more than just bumble.

I’m an artist, but I’m nowhere near perfect. I don’t have any advice to share that a better artist couldn’t give. And I don’t even think I’m done developing my style. I can show my audience what I’ve done, but what good does that do other than just to show people? It’s not like anyone can learn from me.

I write, but why bother when I don’t even have a WIP? And when I can’t write anything except fanart and roleplay? Why can’t I just be a normal writer that can conjure up an original world with original characters on the fly? At least then I could relate to other writers properly.

I love things like YouTube, movies and other fandoms, but what good would it do to just rant about the latest episodes of TheOdd1sOut all the time? It’s not like my audience will understand anything I’m talking about anyway.

I wish I wasn’t a girl of many trades. I wish I was successful in at least one way. I guess I am, but I’m not writing books, I’m not making music, I’m not reading my eyes off, I’m not building anything worth mentioning, and my art is imperfect and unrefined. And yet, I love writing, I love music, I love reading, I love making things and I want to major in the arts in college. It’s impossible for me to have a blog centered on mastering any one thing, and I hate that.

What can I offer to the world that’s unique and actually helpful, and that isn’t just scatterbrained, shallow whateverness? People have told me that I have great potential, but what am I supposed to do with my multi-talented ways?

I want to make a difference. . . but I don’t know how.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

*takes deep breath*

So. . . I know that was pretty hard-core. Sorry about that. . .

(Dad probably wants to punch me in the face. . . X’D He hates it when I talk like that.)

. . . I’m not even sure why I’m apologizing. Maybe because writing this made me feel too self-absorbed??

Anyway, that’s what Insecurity and Self-Doubt have been up to lately. Encouragement would be appreciated, I think. I don’t know how. . . just don’t take pity on me.

I’m glad I have a community of friends and fellow bloggers with whom I can share things like this. Hope this wasn’t too much for you! Again. . . I’m sorry.

~~ Dekreel

(title photo by Emil Zimmermann from Pexels)

15 thoughts on “~~Making a Difference~~ My Struggles as an Insecure Blogger”

  1. You don’t have to be sorry about who you are! Trying to be like other people will only result in stress and unhappiness.
    I’ve read one piece of your writing (The Adventures of Jenna Trapperton), and it was genuinely great! Sure, it was “just fan fiction,” but that’s what made it so good. You certainly have talent, and being a “girl of many trades” means you can apply that talent to many different activities. It’s a blessing, not a curse.
    Making a difference is not contingent on publishing a book, having your art in a museum, or constantly having the perfect advice. Success should be judged through God’s eyes, not the world’s. He has a plan and a purpose for you that, should you follow it, will make a great difference in the world, and He created you specifically for that purpose.
    As far as the blog goes, just stay real and honest (like this post), and you will bless people.
    . . .
    I’ll try not to write a whole essay 😉 I can definitely relate to what you’re talking about, so I had a lot to say. Thanks for sharing and God bless!

    1. Hahah, I’ve gotten better than that. I’m glad you liked it!
      Thanks for that! Knowing that God has a plan for me makes me feel a little better about myself.

  2. *waves hand wildly*
    I’m still doing school! I understand your pain…
    Honestly though, I keep thinking the same things! I’m on the same level. Blogging is sometimes so painful and I lose sight often of why I started my blog, especially with the growing a base of followers thing. It’s so tormenting and since WordPress is so built around that, and just… ugh. 😛
    My first blog I struggled with this more because I did not set the weekly post goal. I’d get depressed and fall out of posting which only made it worse.
    Yeah, I’m not a good artist, but I try to use my blog to keep myself accountable, learn more, and to inspire others.
    The whole giving advice thing! UGH YES I feel so small. Who am I to give advice? AND YES you took the words out of my mouth… EVERY PIECE OF ADVICE SEEMS TO ALREADY BE OUT THERE SO WHY
    Really, honestly though, its more painful to try to be someone you aren’t through trying to write things you don’t want to.
    *clears throat*
    Number one rule of writing! (not actually I’m not going to try to rate things and hurt my brain but this one has got to be in top five on the list so yeah…xD) write about something you are passionate about.
    And since we’re being honest here, I actually prefer blogs that are weird and quirky and always new and fresh and not trying to be some other blog. Those are more personable and fun for me and your blog is one of my favorites. Excuse me while I say something cliched, but it’s not about quantity but quality. Your followers may be small but they are dear. 😀
    So making a difference? Girl every time I get an email notification from your blog, it brightens my day!
    LET’S GO

    1. Oh yeah, that’s one reason I started doing weekly posts: Just to get myself to write more and feel better about myself.
      I mean you write things so you have an advantage. 😛
      Hahah, well thanks for that! *is LIRL-ing at “HUNTERS FOR LIFE”*

  3. Don’t be sorry! Even if you only have a few followers so far (and trust me, you WILL get more… :)) the ones you do have are there to support you!!
    Ugh, school. Aw man, Imma have to give you a years worth of chocolate and gummy bears to get you through that torture. 😉 *stuffs it in your arms* Actually, I’m gonna have to get a semi-truck for that. Wait one moment… Ah! There we go! I’ve successfully sent a semi-truck load of that goodness to your house! 🙂

  4. You are multi-talented! ✨Don’t feel bad about that! God has given you all these passions for a reason, and I can’t wait to see how He uses them. Even though you don’t focus on one subject on your blog, I really enjoy it because you are YOU on your blog. ❤️
    Idk, I just felt like telling you all that. 😉

    1. That’s a great reminder. It’s easy for me to forget that I don’t have to be like everyone else; I just need to be ME. Thank you for the encouragement! ☺️

  5. So this is EXACTLY what’s going on in my head right now, so I don’t have any real advice or encouragement other than, like high-fiving you and saying “same.” I just keep reminding myself that God didn’t stick me with a passion for writing and then run off. His plan isn’t anywhere near finished.

    1. I suppose that’s another reason I wrote this post: to confirm that I’m not the only one who goes through this. 😛
      Well everyone else here has said some really encouraging things so I’d recommend taking the time to read over them.
      Yeah, that’s a good thing to remember. Have you heard Sarah Reeves’ song “Details”? It’s one of my favorites and it’s a great reminder how we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

  6. Actually, I’m insanely proud of you for being able to be more open and transparent than any person I’ve ever met. (But please don’t say that I even think of punching you.) I do NOT hate it when you spill your heart; on the contrary, I’m honored by your trust in me.

    1. I was referring to the fact that you’re tired of me comparing myself to other people. 😛💕

  7. I’m 70 years young. (young mentally anyways! my body reminds me that it is not!)
    Your blog reminded me of the challenges that I have faced over the years as a man that LOVE LEARNING NEW THINGS!! .. I know a LOT of different things. I’m not a “master” of one thing, but I really good at a lot of things. Consequently I have held many professional positions in my varied career: CEO, CFO, COO, CTO, Business Consultant, IT Consultant, and the RIGHT HAND MAN. I’m a problem solver.

    Sooo, here is my counsel … Joy, keep on keeping on. God is building you in special ways that right now you can’t see. I know there are others who do see. Keep going!

    God created you unique. He gave you the foundations of the passions that you have. He created you for a unique purpose, not to follow the crowd and be like everyone else. Be YOU!

    The world emphasizes being master of one thing, YET the world really needs more generalists, well rounded, curious, passionate people that can crawl into many things and make a difference. Making a difference is not always about being the best. Most often it’s about being there and applying yourself where there is a need, and too often there are needs that the “specialists” look at and respond, “I don’t know how to do that.” Nothing gets done. Be curious. Try new things. Make mistakes. YET, in all of it, keep yielding to the Lord and saying “Where do you want to use me – today?”

    I’m very proud of you! Most proud of your courage and ability to speak honestly, “This is who I am!” You capture my heart with your testimony at the graduation recognition at church. When I heard your direct and honest sharing I KNEW that God IS going to use you in some amazing ways. One of the biggest ways he is going to use you is to have an impact for HIS glory on the lives of others that are hurting and struggling. (2 Corinthians 1:3-7)

    I’m also proud of you for blogging. You do it with the same open honesty. You’re REAL, and the world needs more “real” people. Being “real” is the key to connecting with other people’s hearts. You are also demonstrating courage. Your willing to try, even if you fail. THAT is how great things happen.

  8. *deep breath* Yep. Yeah. This is very relatable. And sometimes I don’t even know what to say. (Eg. Now) *silence*…umm…
    But here’s the thing. Everyone is at a different point in there lives. So maybe what you say is the first they hear about that. Or hearing it over and over is what gets it inside their thick skull. Not everyone follows the same people. Everyone is different. What you say may help someone, but you may never know for whatever reason. A lot of times you don’t know what other people are going through.
    About stats and subscribers. Somethings I’ve had to learn.
    Don’t look at stats every. Single. Day. Don’t obsess over them. That just makes you think about how many more people should be looking at your blog. Whether it was 1 view or 50.
    Don’t obsess over numbers. Just write.
    And here’s the thing. Each of those numbers. They are people. Imagine them as people. They are individuals. They have lives. They are not just plus 1 follower on your blog. Then there’s probably some people who don’t hit subscribe for some reason, but they sneak around your blog. Enjoying what you write.

    I’m also kind of a girl of all trades too. It does make things interesting. 😛 But as the saying goes.
    “Jack of all trades, master of none.
    But oftentimes better than a master of one.” 😉

  9. *glances at everyone posting long, deep, emotional comments*

    *clears throat* Well, I think everyone else kinda covered the inspirational responses, but I must say, I think you’re better at everything you do than you even know, haha.

    For example, you talked about your writing, but trust me (and this is coming from an all-out writer, heh), you don’t have to have a WIP to be a writer! You don’t have to have amazing ninja skills at shading perfectly just to be great at art (and you are great at art, haha). You don’t have to be some crazy successful blogger that writes these deep, emotional and powerful articles every week that talks about their perspective just to be an epic blog writer.

    Just… Well, be YOU! Because you rock. You don’t have to be a master at only one thing to totally rock. So, erm, lemme just stop here before this turns into a lecture, heh. Let me just… *leaves a note on your desk bearing the quote below*

    “Just be you, because life’s too short to be anyone else.” – Andie West, “Step Up 2: The Streets”

    (P.S. I’m doing school during the summer too! XD)

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