At this point I don’t think there’s a point in starting off my posts with “sorry it’s been so long and I promise it won’t happen again….” Because it will happen either way. 😛
Anyway, hello readers (it’s been so long I can’t remember the nickname I gave you guys haha)! How have y’all been doing? I’ve been paying next-to-no attention to the realm of blogging for a good year, more or less….. so congratulations to any of you who had exciting stuff going on, I’ll miss you to anyone who left (namely N.C., you were a legend), sorry if anything not great happened, and hello to everyone in general.
I don’t know what this blog post is so I’m just going to catch you up on stuff in general…
// the future of this site
First of all….. I missed the blog’s two-year anniversary so…. belated thank you to whoever has stuck around. I am slowly working on tweaking the site again, but the first thing you may notice is: no face on the front page anymore. I added it in the first place because I felt like I could trust my readers with that information… and I still do, but I’ve also met many more people over the past year and I feel the need to protect myself in case that information finds itself in the hands of someone I don’t trust. Same reason the Q&A vlog is missing from my first anniversary post. That was a fun video to make, but I no longer feel comfortable with having it out there for all the world to see. I might make a transcript later. Maybe.
Something else I’d like to do is strip this site, and my persona in general, of the Dekreel character. At least her wolfy aspect. I love her, and she was so much fun to work with, but I no longer resonate with her or feel connected to her. I want to make myself look as “real” as possible if you know what I mean. I’ll keep the name since that’s how most of my blogger friends identify me, but the “chasm beast” part will be gone. It will take awhile mainly because I need to draw a new blog banner haha.
Let’s see, what else….
// the future of my blogging
I still don’t quite know what kind of blog this is! XD It’s been two years; you’d think I’d know by now. But I know it isn’t a writing blog like I wanted it to be. I was letting peer pressure get to me when I thought that. I’m still working to shake off the anxiety that there are certain things I can’t write about just because the Cool Bloggers aren’t writing about them. Their blogs have different purposes than mine and that’s okay. It doesn’t make my blog worse just because I’m not an avid writer who yearns to craft elegant strings of prose and put them in books to tickle the hearts of all who read them. At least I should hope not.
…So what is this blog for?
……It’s for community.
That’s it. Community. Friends. It’s always been about friends. If you were around when I was active on Kingdom Pen you probably know this much about me: For me KP wasn’t all about writing, it was about supporting my friends and wanting to be there for them… and so they can be there for me.
So in a way, this blog is like an unofficial journal. A diary with a physical audience. Now, I’m not about to pour out my deepest darkest secrets, but I do want to be genuine and authentic. I want to be me. How I’m going to manifest that on this blog? I guess we’ll find out.
Now that that’s out of the way, what’s been up with me?
// my past
I think it’s about time I come clean about something I’ve been suppressing for a year, and I think it’s one reason why I haven’t been blogging as much as I was in 2019: I spent much of 2020 watching YouTube. Like, a lot of it. Mainly stuff related to the Minecraft gaming community… which yeah, that was also something I did a lot of last year: playing Minecraft. Both of these things took up a considerable chunk of my mental and creative energy. In fact, the show that I mentioned in my post “A Good Father,” the one I obsessed over at one point, was a YouTube series. (I still haven’t started watching it again btw; I’m still not mentally prepared) (also no I am not a Dream SMP fan, I’ve been trying my best to stay as far away from that as possible; there’s no way I’m letting myself get sucked in by that ridiculous terror :P)
I can just imagine the Cool Bloggers looking down on my puny lil self saying “OoOoo you played video games and watched tv that’s not inspirational or productive uuuUUUUu” -ahem- I’m pretty sure nobody is actually going to say or think something like that (hope not anyway), but with all the blogger friends I have that are big into writing and books and being productive and “intellectual stuff like that, I would have felt very out of place and…. frankly a little stupid.
However it also meant that it’s been very hard to talk about myself. I finished high school work last year which means that for the majority of 2020, I only had YouTube, Minecraft, a small group of online friends and God to keep my boat afloat. So it wasn’t like I had much else to talk about in the first place.
So yeah, that’s a very general overview of why this blog has been so off-and-on. I’m still learning how to not let peer pressure or my desire to please people/be like them get in the way of genuity. It’s a process. But it feels good to share something with you guys that’s been such a big part of me for so many months.
And no, I’d rather not spend all of 2021 just watching YouTube and playing Minecraft. Don’t worry. There’s actual adulty stuff I’d like to do haha. Especially since I now (finally) have a job.
Here’s to year three of rambling, God-willing.
SO HOW ARE YOU? I’ve been out of the loop when it comes to blogging for so long! What’s happening in your life and your blog? Talk to me! This is a community-centered blog after all. 😛 <3